TRIGGER WARNING – Today’s entry makes reference to an incident of sexual assault. Please do not read if the entry will cause you upset. #selfcarefirst
I am awake, I am alive, and this morning I am smiling as once again I savour the benefit of sleep and dreams …
I have had a long and evolving relationship with my sleep/dreams. In my younger days, sleep was my escape. No matter how chaotic my life was, in my sleep I found peace in a world that I knew could one day be.
But that was taken from me on an early morning years ago, when a so-called “friend” attempted to rape me as I slept. I woke before he was able to get as far as he had hoped. I was able to break free but that following night I knew all too well what he had succeeded in taking from me – my escape. My world of peace and hope now denied me for now I realized I was not safe when I slept. A devastating blow to a woman who at that time, felt safe in very few places.
Years later, after therapy and counselling finally brought the flashbacks and nightmares to an end, my access to the other world returned. Again, I ventured to the land of dreams, but not as an escape this time for I no longer had anything I needed to escape from. Now, this other world was simply another place I was able to visit on nights when I was wise enough to get enough sleep.
Last night was such a night and my dreams had much to share. In the other world, I was not home. I was not where I knew I should be and I KNEW where I should be. It was a long walk from this camp I was at but it was a walk I had done many, many times. I was confident I would be not only fine but successful in getting home.
But I stopped to listen to those in the camp who thought otherwise. The day grew later as one after another told me to stay. They warned of the perils I might face, refusing to listen when I shared that I knew what I was doing. Eventually, the rains came, hindering what could have been a simple, well-known journey. Once the rain stopped, dusk was upon us, leaving me with no other choice but to accept that I no longer could do what I so could have if only I hadn’t stopped to listen.
I listened to doubters and it cost me my success.
Upon awaking, I thanked Creator for the reminder, the teachings and the rest. Today, I promised, I will be careful who I listen to for now I remember that not everyone is wise counsel.
I love you! HUGSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
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