I am awake, I am alive, and this morning I feel the need to share some hard truths…
EFF YOU Canada!
Trigger warning – This morning’s blog post may contain triggers for residential school survivors and/or those dealing with inter-generational trauma and all the harm that entails.
I am awake, I am alive and most days I come here to speak of gratitude and forgiveness. I speak of healing and of how we must come together in new and supportive ways. But some nights, like last night, I can barely breathe thanks to the trauma in my own circle of friends. As a result, this morning it has to be said … “Eff you Canada!”
My Mom use to say don’t point in criticism at another for four fingers point back at you. So it is with Canada and those citizens who point.
I am referring of course, to those Canadians choosing to forget, the ones who don’t know, the ones who fail to acknowledge that it was this so-called great country that took our kids. The Canadian state, elected by its citizens and therefore answering to them, took our kids. Canada, with the blessing of its citizens, hurt them, scared them, and abused them. Our kids were taught how to hate and hurt and then sent them home to do just that. Men and women so broken that alcohol was often the only escape they could find.
And in time, in the midst of that escape, they had kids and Canada took them too. You, Canadians, abused and raped, tortured and terrified yet another generation while helpless parents back home tried to drink away the memories and the thoughts of what was happening to their babies.
Again and again, generation after generation, until our families were hell, the kinda hell you have to save kids from. So again, today, you still take our kids.
So eff you Canada. EFF YOU to those who deny any responsibility while reaping the benefits of a life built on the land those kids were removed from. Rather than sickening denial, OWN IT. Fix the mess YOU made! Help us to heal, to replace skills lost. Parenting skills. Conflict resolution skills. Cooking skills. You know, the kinda stuff kids learn when they have parents.
HELP US in anyway WE see fit. No more racing it with your opinions and your solutions for we are still trying to heal from generations of those. KNOW that thanks to your judgement of us, we went without for six generations. We didn’t have the luxury of parents. We didn’t have the privilege. We weren’t given the right.
Today we are condemned. Not good parents. Not good employees. Not good bosses. Not good Chiefs. Where exactly were we to learn that?!
Today we are forced to see symbols of National pride, forced to stand for the anthem of those who continue to tear us part, deemed to be “Canadian” by citizens of the same country who has never seen us as anything more than unwanted and “in the way”. We are in the way of pipelines, no matter how risky they are. We are in the way of resource extraction, no matter the environmental damage, accepted only when we give in. When we assimilate. When we agree. Yet even then, we know, we are never really accepted.
No, it is not right, yet each day in plays out in our towns and cities as we are condemned for the actions born in the pain you inflicted, condemned by you and our own for daring to show anything less than complete healing.
Your taught us to hurt.
You taught us to condemn.
And thanks to you, our men and women are still trying to escape into drugs and alcohol. In other words, we are still dying, thanks to your actions. Homeless on your streets, judged in your jails, alone in your “homes” all because we dare to be damaged by what you did.
So eff you Canada. Do not sit in judgement of the modern day Indigenous for you created our scars. Our salvation is in the knowledge that your damnation did not reach our ceremonies nor did it kill our spirits, our cores, for they were forged by Creator himself. We WILL survive in spite of your judgement. We will heal with or without you but it would be so much easier if you could just STOP!
It would be easier if you could just keep your damn hands off our kids.
Do not apologize. Do not deny. Do not excuse. It is time for Canadians to carry this with us. It is time for National shame not national pride. OWN IT. Carry it. Bow your head. Find your humility. Put down the ego. And then maybe then, you will finally be a help and not the biggest burden ever carried by the Indigenous.
If you can’t do that, then I repeat – Eff you!
Rest assured, tomorrow I will again encourage. Tomorrow I will again guide but I am healing too, and part of that is acknowledging that sometimes you gotta get real. Sometimes you have to fall to your knees and scream “EFF YOU!” even if you know you won’t be heard.
Even if …