Grieving the One Who Hurt You …

I remember it as if it was only yesterday. My Mom had called. She was crying. Through her sobs, she shared how her first husband had passed in an incredibly violent and tragic way. This man had abandoned her, had left her alone to care for their infant son without means or support. He had been anything but loving but still she grieved his passing.

She was calling to ask me if I thought that was okay or foolish.

I comforted my mother by sharing my truth, my belief that every love deserves to be grieved. I reminded her that she had loved this man with all her heart at one point, that she had chosen willingly and wholeheartedly to marry him and have his child. I shared how the ending did not erase the beginning, that the abandonment and betrayal did not erase the reality that was the love.

And that her love for him now needed to be grieved.

Recently, it was my turn to say goodbye to one who had previously hurt me. The hurt, the bitterness, the hate for him I once carried has long dissipated but still I cannot deny what he did to me. Nevertheless, the grieving is real.

Today, as I sit in my complicated emotions, I think of my Mom and our conversation so many years ago. The circle of life is real, once again reinforced as I go through what Mom went through before me, a cycle that ends with me.

This, I pray.

The journey continues …

I love you!

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