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Day Sixty-Three – A Journey to Self Respect

 

I am awake, I am alive, and this morning I am smiling as I continue this journey, a journey I now walk with self respect.

You see, once upon a time, I was all about making others feel better. It didn’t matter what they had done to me, how much they had hurt or disappointed me. I didn’t want them feeling bad about something now in the past (even if only five minutes past) so I accepted apologies and told them not to worry about it. I switched from being hurt or disappointed to caregiver, nursing their wounds while ignoring mine.

I don’t do that anymore.

I don’t condemn. I don’t attack. I don’t seek revenge. None of those are actions that would make me proud. Rather I own my disappointment and hurt while allowing them to own that they inflicted that pain. Do I accept an apology? Absolutely I do and I always point out how much I appreciate the words … but I stop there. No longer do I follow the acceptance with, “Forget about it” or “Its no biggie, don’t worry about it”. No longer do I switch the topic. No longer do I dismiss the pain they inflicted.

Do I stay mad? No. I stay hurt or disappointed for as long as needed, moving on honestly when the healing is done. It may be five minutes. It might take an hour but it is honest and that is how I live.

And what of the person who inflicted the pain? You would honestly have to ask them. How they handle what they did or didn’t do is their path to walk, their healing to do, their lesson to learn. All I know is I no longer rob them of the opportunity to learn.

And that my friends, is because I now respect ME.

This past week revealed to me just how much I have changed, how I have morphed into a flawed imperfect but authentic woman. A woman doing the best she can to LIVE her life without denying it or running from it, without hiding from it or sugar-coating it, without painting it in pretty colours or dressing it up in killer shoes. A woman who cries when she is sad (or happy, to be honest), someone who speaks up when she is upset, someone who smiles from the soul for so many reasons.

This is me, in sunlight or darkness, in sweats or dress pants, living and loving authentically, even if that means that sometimes I have to let someone else hurt.

The journey continues.

 

I love you! HUGSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Sandi

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