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Remembering …

 

I am awake, I am alive, and this morning all that is on my mind is you and … the dream.

The dream – so vivid as to never be forgotten, a perfect metaphor for my life (and as it turns out, in more ways than one).

Me and my children, in the middle of a war zone. Me terrified, trying to keep them safe, trying to find them food in the midst of the chaos, all the while smiling and laughing so they wouldn’t be afraid. We played games in the midst of the ruins that were once my childhood home and always and constantly I reminded them … don’t wander off.

But she did, my daughter did. She wandered into the field, in the midst of the fighting. I watched as the soldier raised his gun, aiming for my precious offspring. I jumped, throwing myself between her and him, shielding her, protecting her. It took a moment before I realized … I was hit.

I was dying.

What came over me then can only be described as overwhelming peace. I did not hurt. I did not fear. My baby was safe. I could rest now.

It wasn’t until I shared my dream with my son that I grasped its full meaning. Like the dream, I will never forget his smile as he shared, “Mom you weren’t the Mom in that dream, you were the little girl”.

On this day Mom, on your birthday, I think of you, the woman who feared for me, alone out in the chaos. The woman who would do anything for me, including die, simply because you wanted to keep me safe. You wished I wouldn’t keep wandering off. You saw that I chose to work in the midst of a war zone … but in the end, you realized that in spite of all your worries, that you had done your job. I was and am okay.

Thank you Creator for showing me that in the end, Mom had no pain, she had no fear. She simply had peace.

And to you Mom, thank you and Happy birthday. I know you are with Dad. I know you are laughing and dancing as you two always did. I know you truly are in heaven. And I am here, doing good work, living a good life, as I look forward to the day when again we will sit together. I will be able to tell you how your grandkids and your great grandkids are doing and about all the people I got to meet. And then, as a hundred times before, you will smile and pretend you don’t already know.

Yes, I look forward to that day but for now, know that I love you Mom and that has never faded, not in the 14 years since you left, not ever.

But then, you know that too.

I love you …
Your Babygirl

My friend, love your parent today, if you can. Forgive them their shortcomings. Just love them as I love you.

 

HUGSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Sandi

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